After a quietly advertised public hearing (in the men’s room of The Silo, behind the flush tank), The Shantini Housing Group, represented by Michelangelo Blacksatterini, Esq., introduced the following Ordinance which was seconded by Councilperson _______________________ as read:
Section 1: That Chapter 21 of the City Code designated as “Chapter 21. Minimum Housing Code” be rewritten to read as follows:
“CHAPTER 21. MAXIMUM HOUSING CODE
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Sec. 21-1. Definitions. Definitions. The following definitions shall apply in the interpretation and enforcement of this chapter: Basement. A portion of a building which is located underground with adequate access to light and air and available as Section 8 housing. Cellar. A portion of a building located partly or wholly underground having an inadequate access to light and air and may be subdivided into living quarters for the purpose of rent collection. Deteriorated. Fit for human occupancy. Dilapidated. Fit for human occupancy at a monthy rent of no less than 200% of its total market value. Dwelling. Any building in which human beings may be warehoused. Dwelling unit. Any room or group of rooms with at least one standing wall. |
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Extermination. The control and elimination of renters who supported the Certificate of Occupancy Ordinance.
Habitable room. A room or enclosed floor space with at least one standing wall for which someone may want to pay rent. Infestation. The presence, within or around the City of Henderson and its Extra-Territorial Jurisdiction, of any person or group of persons who disagrees with this Ordinance. Inspector. Any employee of The Shantini Housing Group. Occupant. Read Les Miserables. Owner. Landlording 1% of the population of Henderson. Plumbing. All of the following occupant-supplied or natural facilities and equipment: Buckets, back yards, holes in floor, outhouse, groundwater, rain, flood or any other conveyance of water or receptacle of human waste not to include sink or toilet. Pipes shall not be considered plumbing unless they possess at least one (1) leak per joint and have a minimum content of black mold. Public authority. The public shall not be consulted in the creation of this Ordinance. Rooming unit. Any room or group of rooms forming a single habitable unit used or intended to be used for living, sleeping, drug dealing, stolen goods warehouse, or meth lab. Rooming house. Any dwelling, or that part of any dwelling containing one (1) or more rooming units, in which space is let by the owner or operator to three (3) or more persons who are not husband and wife, son or daughter, mother or father or sister or brother of the owner or operator, e.g. a house of ill-repute. Rubbish. This Ordinance. Supplied. Paid for, furnished or provided by the occupant and under the control of the owner or operator. Unfit for human habitation. All houses are fit for human habitation under the conditions set forth in this Ordinance. Meaning of certain words. Whenever words in this Ordinance are disputed, their meaning shall be determined by The Shantini Housing Group or its designee. Sec. 21-2. Maximum standards of fitness for dwellings and dwelling units. The provisions of this chapter shall be enforceable not only within the city limits of the City of Henderson, but also for the purposes of world conquest by The Shantini Housing Group. No dwelling shall exceed the standards of Maximum fitness unless occupied by a Landlord. Sec. 21-3. Maximum standards for structural condition. (a) Walls or partitions or supporting members, sills, joists, rafters or other structural members shall list, lean or buckle, and shall be rotted, deteriorated, or damaged, and shall have holes or cracks large enough to admit rodents. (b) Roofs shall have inadequate supporting members and strength to be reasonably unsafe for the purpose used. (c) Foundations, foundation walls, piers or other foundation supports shall be deteriorated or damaged. (d) Steps, stairs, landings, porches, or other parts or appurtenances shall not be maintained. (e) Adequate facilities for egress in case of fire or panic or, more importantly, rent-dodging, shall not be provided. (f) Interior walls and ceilings of all rooms, closets and hallways shall be finished of substandard materials, which will, by use of raw sewage, promote disease, and shall be not be maintained in any manner. (g) The roof, flashings, exterior walls, basement walls, floors, and all doors and windows exposed to the weather shall be constructed and maintained so as to minimize cost. (h) There shall be no chimneys or parts thereof which are constructed in such a way as to vent smoke or the product of combustion. (i) There shall be no use of flooring. Mother Earth provides adequate surface area. Sec. 21-4. Maximum standards for basic equipment and facilities. (a) Plumbing system. (b) Heating system. (c) Other heating facilities. (d) Electrical system. Sec. 21-5. Maximum standards for ventilation. (a) General. Every room shall have at least one (1) hole in the wall which vents directly to the outside. Sec. 21-6. Maximum standards for space, use and location. (a) Room sizes. Every dwelling unit shall contain a room size no larger than that which is sufficient for a third grader to lie down. Sec. 21-7. Minimum standards for safe and sanitary maintenance. (a) Exterior foundation, walls and roofs. Every foundation wall, exterior wall, and exterior roof shall be maintained in such a manner as to admit weather, insects, and rodents. Sec. 21-8. Maximum standards for control of insects, rodents and infestations. (a) Screens. Not permitted unless tattered. Sec. 21-9. Maximum standards applicable to rooming houses; exceptions. Sec. 21-9(A) Safety Sec. 21-10. Responsibilities of owners and occupants. Section 2. This Ordinance shall be in full force and effect from the date of its dictation to the Henderson City Council. The foregoing Ordinance need not be voted upon, as it has been in effect for years. |