Embassy Wars: The saga continues

Embassy Wars — Episode VI: Lost Hope (posted July 12)

After months of battling the rebellious taxpayers and Web site posters, members of the newly formed alliance met at an undisclosed sector of the Ferguson system. The Emperor was present as well as all of the newly appointed members. The Emperor called the meeting to war.

Emperor: My dear constituents, it is truly a victorious day for the Alliance. The endorsement by the council and commission is final. We will soon triumph over all the economic development in this system.

Commissioner Wright: Master, we have achieved victory over the nonbelievers, yet the Chair still doesn’t agree with our move.

Emperor: The Chair is no concern to me. I now stand to rule this entire sector. I will need a list of all the planets that we now have control over, and we will create a digitized map that can readily be reviewed for future development. I can assure all that are in allegiance to me, wealth untold.

Padawan Wester: Master, I have finished my training in the ancient art of smoke and mirrors. Darth Manager has given me insight into the dark side. I am ready to battle Princess Elissa of Chavasse.

Emperor: My young apprentice, I have foreseen you triumph over an adversary. This adversary will not be the princess.

Padawan Wester: Master, who then will I do battle with?

Emperor: The disturbance in the force clouds my view of things. Princess Elissa will try to overpower Chancellor Clem. This must not be allowed to happen.

Padawan Wester: Master, will this stop your destiny for the Alliance?

Emperor: No, my young Padawan. The Alliance will have full control over the strategic planets by the time of the elections. The Alliance willcontrol all economic decisions made both by the council and commission.

Chancellor Demetriades: Emperor, my lord, I wish to seek an economic incentive at the expense of rebellious taxpayers for remaining in this sector. As you well know, I employ many that dwell in this Empire.

Emperor: Chancellor, my dear friend, you need not to worry; I will assure that you will only pay a reduced tariff. Get with Darth Finch and device unemployment numbers that will cause the commission to look favorably at this incentive.

Chancellor Demetriades: Master, how can you assure me this without prior commission approval?

Emperor: You fooll! Do you not yet realize my power? The commission will do whatever I say. You will receive this incentive. Now be gone from my presence. Summon Lord Slum to stand before me.

Lord Slum: My master, your biddings will be done.

Emperor: Lord Slum, you are to take control of as many dilapidated dwellings among the Tuskin Raiders as possible. I will assure you that we as an Alliance will recruit low-paying jobs to this sector to ensure you tenants. The Federation has guaranteed funds for these raiders that will inhabit your dwellings. This federation funding will ensure our complete success in this sector. The Empire will continue to underfund the storm troopers to the point that even they will be forced to inhabit your dwellings.

Meanwhile, back at the Death Star construction site, progress towards completion was continuing. As rebellious taxpayers gazed with amazement at the size of the Death Star, many wondered as to how the Empire planned on funding it. Many questioned the future operational expense of a ship that size. It was well known that the Death Star would create an economic drain on the taxpayers to the point that many would flee to other sectors of the galaxy to find relief.

Darth Manager met with chief storm trooper and commanded him to somehow salvage what storm troopers he had left to continue to do battle with the raiders. The plan was to have a formation and feast with all the troops.

Chief Storm Trooper: Captain, send word to Jabba the Hutt to prepare a feast of dyed nitrate pork cylinders surrounded by bleached flour. This will surely boost morale and prevent the mass exodus that I hear is forthcoming.

The feast was in full swing and all of the storm troopers were present and anticipating good news.

Chief Storm Trooper: My fellow soldiers of the Empire. I appear before you today with news of our current situation. Many have left the Empire seeking refuge in safer sectors of the galaxy. As of today, we do not have any way of luring new recruits to fight here amongst us in our battle. I am well aware that this sector is the most dangerous in the galaxy, and I realize you are not being properly compensated for the dangerous job you do. However, I have devised a plan that will benefit you all. I have approved overtime pay for any trooper willling to work beyond their schedule to assist in the war.

Captain Red Sector 7: With all due respect, sir, this will surely work for a while, but there is talk among the troops that many more than you realize will soon depart, and this will devastate our abilities.

Chief Storm Trooper: What then, Captain, would you suggest I do?

Captain Red Sector 7: We need to maneuver troops from the upper deck of the command ship and put them on the front line. This along, with pulling our detachment off the intergalactic highway and the other outpost, will put our front-line staffing where it should be.

Chief Storm Trooper: Captain, this will only be a last resort. We must have a full upper deck.

Senior Storm Trooper Tango Sector 3: Chief, you must meet with Darth Manager in the presence of the full council and demand compensation and the squadron of new Tie Fighters. Only then will we be able to continue as an effective force.

Chief Storm Trooper: My fellow soldiers, this attempt has been made many times, and even the council is under the Emperor’s powers. All of the Empire’s fund and resources have been deverted to the Death Star construction. The Death Star will continue to consume a majority of future resources, and the outlook of any significant increases in our compensation is dim at best.

The entire regiment left the meeting in disgust and began plotting courses for other sectors that weren’t so devastated.

Hope was all but lost among the taxpayers and the storm troopers. They all were awaiting the elections, when maybe a Jedi would seek office and bring disruption to the dark side of the economic force.

May the force be with us all.