Embassy Wars: The saga continues

Embassy Wars — Episode VII: Voyage to Planet Paradise (posted July 14)

As events in the Empire were unfolding, rebellious taxpayers were continuing to express their disgust with the way things were being run in the Empire. A council meeting took place, and the chief storm trooper was called to be present.

Darth Manager: Chief, I have received word that your troops under you are not pleased with the Empire.

Chief Storm Trooper: My lord, I have been informed that many storm troopers are about to flee this system due to the conditions they have been placed under by the council. The Tuskin Raiders are out of hand. We are outnumbered and without reinforcements.

Darth Manager: I have felt this disturbance in the force and have met with the Emperor about this matter. He is willing to allow you access to a fraction of the federation seizure funds. This should please your troops for a while.

Chief Storm Trooper: My lord, I am grateful for this gesture; however, this will only be a temporary solution. Many troopers will soon experience battle fatigue after many days of extra duty with pay. I need full access to the funds so that I can use it to run an effective army.

Darth Manager: Do not temp the Emperor. The balance in the funding force must remain. You should be grateful he has allowed even this. His plans for the Death Star construction will not deviate. Not even for you.

Chancellor Clem: Chief, I believe you are well equipped to utilize the funds available, and I think you should spend it all at once. But my vote is overridden by the Emperor. I do not think we need a balance in the funding force or anywhere else. If we have funds to fight the battles, then we need to use them. What is the point of keeping a surplus?

Princess Elissa: Chief, I have fought for your troops and have been against the Death Star construction from Day One. I am outnumbered here among the Emperor’s legion. If I choose to run for Chancellor this year, I will see that you receive the funds due to you and your army.

The chief left the meeting realizing that all attempts to convince that council of the pending dilemma was futile. A feast at Jabba’s palace on Tatooine was planned, with the good news of the fraction of funds allowed to be divided to the troops.

Meanwhile, at the commissioners meeting on Planet Vance, a vote had taken place and the majority favored to fund an expedition to Planet Paradise. All but two were in favor of this escapade.

Chair: We have voted and will be sending a delegation to Planet Paradise for a meeting of great importance. Many of you will actually enjoy this envoy because it is well known that Planet Paradise is a galactic resort with entertainment of all sorts.

Commissioner Wright: Chair, may my first lady accompany me on this venture?

Chair: If this is allowed, then you must provide the funds for her travel.

Commissioner Wright: I beg thee, I have no funds left from a spree of buying space shuttles and barges to travel about on. I have even pleaded to the federation for relief. I stand to lose my very own mansion. Please have some pity on me.

Chair: Very well then, but we must keep this quiet. The rebellious taxpayers will rise up against us if they get word of this.

Commissioner Hester: Chair, I hear the food there is great.

Commissioner Wright: And the females are fine there also.

The voices rose with great anticipation with conversations of the good time ahead.

Chair: Enough, enough, I am as exited as you are about this, but we must make the rebellious taxpayers think we are working hard for them and their prosperity here on Planet Vance. (The room broke into a frenzy of laughter.)

Commissioner Brown: I do not think this is funny. You all have decided to waste taxpayers’ money for your own benefit. This is unethical.

Chair: Madame Brown, we will only get this chance once in a lifetime to see Planet Paradise. You cannot fault us for looking out for ourselves. The Emperor bids us his blessings on this journey since we allowed his friend, Demetriades, a tariff relief.

Commissioner Brown: It is obvious that you all have been seduced and blinded by the dark side. I will not go with you. I have ethics. Only those that the Emperor has chosen to be on his Alliance are going. It is so obvious to all the taxpayers. None of you will ever get re-elected.

The meeting was adjoined, and each commissioner ventured out in search of luggage to carry on there journey.

The Emperor traveled to the site of the Death Star and stood with his new Padawan, Burnette, who is among the Order of the Blue Cross.

Emperor: My young apprentice, I have plans for you. You will be allowed to rebid on the insurance next year. I have instructed Darth Manager to teach you properly the art of smoke and mirrors.

Padawan Burnette: My master. I thank you for showing interest in me. I will not let you down.

Emperor: I have seen you use the force to indirectly defend Padawan Wester by attacking Princess Elissa and her feeble attempts to stop the Death Star construction and expose me. I am impressed.

Padawan Burnette: Master, he is my friend, and it was he that supported my efforts at the last council meeting.

Emperor: You have much to learn. First you must come to the realization that you have no friends but only the dark side of the force. Your greed will allow you to harness this power. But first you must remain silent about my plans.

Padawan Wester: Yes, my master, your bidding will be done.

Emperor: So tell me, young Burnette, how are things in the western quadrant?

Padawan Burnette: They are great, master. There are no Tuskin Raiders attacking my palace.

Emperor: Yes, this is good. Lord Slum plans to keep his dwellings well within the inner limits of the Empire. Even Darth Manager, with his skills, had to move to the Forest of Wake among the Ewoks to seek serenity from the battles.