by Gina DeMent, Public Information Officer
Five County Mental Health Authority
It’s never too early to talk to your students about safety on prom night.
Prom should be a time that they enjoy, but it also is crucial that students are urged to be safe and make good decisions. No one wants their prom night to be remembered for an accident or a choice they’ll live to regret.
Its that time of year again when young high school seniors and juniors are getting excited and making plans for one of the highlights of their high school years, the prom. Those of us that have watched our teens get prepared for the prom know the excitement that is in the air for weeks prior to the big event, especially with our daughters. What dress to wear, what style and color will make our daughters the most beautiful that evening, the young men dressed in their finest, the photos, the corsages, visiting relatives to show off, planning the group dinner before the prom, who will be this years prom queen, etc. What a wonderful magical evening for so many young people, but amongst that we often hear of tragedy. The shock waves of disbelief, as some young person in the midst of life meets an early end due to events that perhaps could have been prevented.
As parents, we want our teens, as they get ready to move into another stage of their life, to have the most wonderful memorable time, something to talk about forever. Let’s do all that we can to speak to our teens about those things that may be troubling us as we let them head out the door that evening dressed like movie stars. You don’t want to stop your teen from enjoying their prom. First of all, they probably would never speak to you again if you ruined this rite of passage into adulthood, this night of freedom that they have waited for their first two years of high school. And, deep down, you know that its important that they enjoy at least part of their teenage years and this is one night most teens never forget.
So how can you keep your teens safe without them knowing you’re doing it? In other words, how can you inconspicuously guide the evening so that your teen has a good time but you maintain your sanity and peace of mind. You don’t want to stay up all night worrying if they’re okay, but you also don’t want to rain on their special evening.
Here are some tips to help keep your teen safe before, during and after the prom.
* Make sure that your teen has a plan for the evening and that you know what that plan is.
Tell your children that you want them to have a wonderful, memorable prom. Keep that wish as a central focus. They need to give you their complete itinerary for the evening, including who they will be with, where they’ll be going after the prom and the phone numbers where you can contact them. “We’ll just be driving around” is not an acceptable response. Come to a fair decision on a curfew, based upon your children’s past level of responsibility in this area. Express your concerns about their health and safety and explain to them why prom night makes it more difficult to make safe and smart decisions. Don’t be vague — discuss drinking, drugging, driving under the influence, and sex. Ask them how they plan to keep safe and avoid actions they will regret. Reinforce your belief in their character and in their ability to act responsibly.
* Know who is driving — if it’s a limo, check their policy on allowing alcohol in the vehicle.
If they’re not driving themselves, you must know who’ll be driving them. Regardless of how many times you have talked about the dangers of driving under the influence of alcohol and drugs, emphasize that these dangers are particularly high on prom night. Your children cannot drink or take drugs and drive. They also must be driven by someone who has not drunk alcohol or taken drugs. Encourage seat belt use — it’s really the best accessory!
You need their promise on these rules. These rules are non-negotiable.
* Be able to contact them at all times
If your children are not returning home right after the prom, you need to be able to contact them at all times until they return home. You also need to be reachable at all times as well. There can be no doubt where your kids will be and with whom throughout the evening and morning. If they’re going to other kids’ houses after the prom, check ahead of time with these children’s parents. You also have a right and a responsibility to ask if these parents are going to allow drinking in their homes. Many parents believe that as long as they “take keys” in a situation like this that underage drinking is permissible in their houses. You must answer the question, “Do I want my kids at after-prom parties where parents aren’t present?” Post-prom, parent-child check-in calls make sense. Establish a couple of mandatory call-in times with your kids. You might consider giving cell phones to your kids for the evening, thereby establishing a guaranteed connection. Communicate with other parents and school officials and lastly stay up for the prom-goers’ return home so that you can hear all about the magical evening.
* Know all of the “hot spot” destinations; including on-line ones; perhaps they are the same places that you were familiar with when you attended your prom!
* Talk to your child about the dangers of alcohol and other drugs.
Some people feel pressured to drink, smoke, use drugs, or have sex on prom night by friends or the media. However, drinking is responsible for over 4,500 deaths among young people each year and is associated with other problems like STDs and unintended pregnancy. Alcohol and drugs impair judgment and may result in being harmed or harming others. Just because others do something doesn’t make it a good idea or right for you. It’s okay to say no. Have your teen make a commitment not to drink or use drugs during prom season. Have them sign something. Many schools now have forms for teens to sign stating that they will remain drug and alcohol free. This puts it in writing, and any teen with values will stick to this commitment.
* Give your children the unconditional option of calling you at any time for help or advice.
That includes picking them up at any time of day or night, with a promise not to shame or humiliate them in front of others. Assure them that you always welcome being part of their making smart and safe decisions. This unconditional offer of help and advice should be an outstanding offer throughout their lives.
Going to prom is an exciting event. Make sure your child’s evening will be fun, safe, and healthy by following the above tips.
For more information contact Gina DeMent, Public Information Officer for Five County Mental Health Authority at 252-430-3031 or Anne Williams Prevention Specialist, Five County Mental Health Authority at 252-430-3077.