During a recent unfortunate encounter between my epiglottis and a french fry eaten at a fast-food restaurant I’ve been advised not to name, I had occasion to stop breathing for (what felt like) several minutes. As I gradually lost consciousness to the sound of my wife’s concerned, hysterical laughter and the feeling of my children going through my pockets, I dreamed that I saw God. He was playing golf.
| God: How’s it goin’, sport?
MG: Am I dead? God: Not yet. MG: Am I going to die? God: Duh! MG: I mean, today? God: Depends on whether or not you get help in time. MG: Don’t You know? (God tapped His nose and then hit the ball down the 16th fairway.) |
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God: You know, free will, that sort of thing. MG: Nice shot, Lord. God: Of course it was! (An awkward silence ensued.) MG: As long as I’m here, can I ask You some questions? God: Fire away. (The Lord motioned that I should join Him in His golf cart.) MG: Don’t You like Henderson? God: I love all of My municipalities the same. MG: Then how come it’s run so badly? God: Don’t look at Me. It’s your town. MG: And what about all of the churches in Henderson? How come there are over a hundred of them? God: I am appreciated in a variety of ways. MG: And what about Reverend …? God: And they say I don’t have a sense of humor! MG: You’re going a tad rapidly, Lord. God: Oh, thee of little faith. (God screeched the cart to a halt right before the apex of the turn. We got out and looked for God’s ball in the short grass.) MG: God, why did You close Americal? What about Harriet & Henderson? What of all those people who can’t make a living anymore? Why must so many of us be poor? God: I did not close them. It was market forces. Did I not give you that which you need to bring new businesses into your town? MG: The Henderson-Vance Economic Partnership? But they’re a vested interest. God: They are a tool like any other I have given to you. Use them with care, like a very sharp knife. MG: Hey, I found it! God: Good job, My child. Now take this, My 5-iron, and drive the ball to the hole. MG: Lord, I cannot … (God smiled and handed me the club.) God: I will be with thee. (I lined up my shot and swung. I sliced the ball well into the rough.) MG: You said You would be with me! God: I am with you now, My child. But not everything is going to go your way. Where were you when I made the world? Where were you when I put Henderson upon the earth and peopled it? Where were you during the last municipal elections? Where were you during the last City Council meeting? MG: My Lord … God: You have heard the words of the Lord. Now it is time for you to go. I awoke to retching on the french fry. As I expelled it and opened my eyes, I saw Michael Jacobs hovering above me, explaining to the crowd of rubbernecks: “He’s not that funny, but he works cheap.” Think Miles is worth the price? Let him know at miles@homeinhenderson.com. |
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