Milestones: The Shakedown


(Sammy “The Nickel” Sunoco, Heathcliffe “Tinroof” Shantini, and Michelangelo “Mickey the Shyster” Blacksatterino quietly enter an innocuous Henderson business during regular hours. Blacksatterino carries a suspicious-looking briefcase at his side.)

(The three slowly surround the desk of a receptionist who is concentrating on her computer. She slowly realizes the presence of the men and looks up, startled.)

Secretary: May I help you?

Sunoco: Go to lunch.

Secretary: It’s nine-thirty. Besides, it’s Mr. Tim who’s in charge of my breaks and…

Shantini: Go to lunch now!

Blacksatterino: You’d better go. I don’t know how long I can keep him from raising your rent.

Secretary: Well! I…

(Shantini sits uncomfortably close to her on the edge of her desk.)

Shantini: (Silkenly.) Ever been evicted, baby?

(Vic Tim, the boss, enters the outer office.)

Tim: What’s going on here?

Secretary: These men came in and told me to go to lunch. I tried to tell them…

Tim: It’s all right, Miss Pouerliss. Why don’t you go out for some coffee?

(Miss Pouerliss quickly hustles out of the office.)

Tim: What can I do for you boys?

Sunoco: We need a contribution.

(Sunoco looks around the room and peers into the inner office.)

Sunoco: Five hundred ought to do it.

Tim: Five hundred! For what?

(The three men chuckle.)

Shantini: Never mind what. Go get your checkbook.

Blacksatterino: Think of it as an investment. And I’ll put you on the “client list,” free of charge.

Tim: Now look here. I run a respectable delivery business, and I won’t just…

Sunoco: Those trucks of yours. They run on diesel, don’t they?

Tim: Well, of course.

Sunoco: Seems we’re out. Fresh out of diesel, all over Henderson.

Tim: I’ll just go to Oxford.

Shantini: Those trucks are hard to drive without tires, I hear. It’s a shame no one has the right size.

Tim: You can’t just come in here and threaten me like this. It’s…unconstitutional!

(A tense silence ensues. Blacksatterino reaches into his briefcase and pulls out a thick book entitled Constitutional Law. He walks over to Tim as if to show him a passage, then suddenly closes the book and clubs Tim on the head with it savagely.)

Blacksatterino: I decide what’s constitutional in this town, boy.

(Tim, temporarily incapable of speech, defiantly shakes his head “no”.)

Shantini: Hey, Sammy? You hear that?

Sunoco: (Grinning.) What?

Shantini: It’s his computers. I think they’re crashing!

(The three men laugh.)

Blacksatterino: (Pressing his ear to his briefcase.) Shame about those invoices. Oh, wait! They’re in here. I think they miss him! Especially the accounts receivable.

(The men laugh louder.)

Tim: (Straining.) What’s…the money…for?

Sunoco: The Henderson Benevolence Fund. We’re throwing a party for our candidates when they win.

Tim: (Still straining.) If…not…when.

(Shantini grabs Tim by the collar and drags him to the bathroom. He dunks Tim’s head in toilet.)

Shantini: Was that “if”, or “when”?

(Shantini pulls Tim’s head from the toilet.)

Tim: (Gasping.) When! When! Ok! You win! I’ll write the check!

Sunoco: Good boy. One more thing: Who runs Henderson?

Tim: You boys! You boys run Henderson!

Sunoco: Don’t you forget it if you ever want to drive, rent, use the Internet, or do business in this town again.

(Tim writes the check with shaking hands. Blacksatterino puts it in his briefcase and the three men leave. After they depart, Tim goes back to the bathroom and throws up for a long, long time.)