Author: Miles Gloriosus

7:00 a.m. – Awakened to alarm clock.

After a quietly advertised public hearing (in the men’s room of The Silo, behind the flush tank), The Shantini Housing Group, represented by Michelangelo Blacksatterini, Esq., introduced the following Ordinance which was seconded by Councilperson _______________________ as read: AN ORDINANCE FOR THE CREATION OF A MAXIMUM HOUSING CODE

(Sammy “The Nickel” Sunoco, Heathcliffe “Tinroof” Shantini, and Michelangelo “Mickey the Shyster” Blacksatterino quietly enter an innocuous Henderson business during regular hours. Blacksatterino carries a suspicious-looking briefcase at his side.)

From the informational tourist pamphlet entitled: “Run, Come See Henderson – Tours by the Ramshaft Group” Henderson, Vance County, North Carolina offers an opportunity for the tourist of discerning taste to observe a city return to a state of natural, pre-Columbian beauty.

Dateline Metropolis, Gotham City, New York, Atlantis, Valhalla, and Las Vegas: Superheroes from across America have been reporting a string of gruesome crimes over the last several days.

From a public safety standpoint, not to mention concern for the well-being of our firefighters and police officers, the situation at Beacon Light is intolerable.

If the council has nothing to hide, then why shouldn’t it avoid an investigation? I’ll give you a reason.

There is a quaint Southern tradition, now defunct, in which a servant is paid nothing for his/her work and severely and publicly castigated if he/she does not do a good job.

Here are the top ten reasons to vote for me in tomorrow’s election for sheriff:

Ok, after two months I’ve finally come to admit it to myself: I am never going to finish this. So much for my experiment in episodic parody. So let me just give you the punch line and anyone who likes can fill in the details.

In our last episode: Henderson Mayor Clem Seifert lay recovering in a cage from a neck wound that was the result of being caught in a politician hunt by city employees.

Our story so far: Henderson Mayor Clem Seifert and his intrepid band of space travellers, former City Council members Harriette Butler, John Wester, and Mike Rainey crash-land on a strange planet 2,000 years after their space ship, the U.S.S. Search Committee, left Henderson. Butler died in cold sleep.

Scene 1 (Henderson Mayor Clem Seifert is seated in the cockpit of a spaceship. His feet are propped up on the dashboard as he speaks into the computer, making his last log entry before going into suspended animation.)

Someone needs to explain to me what all the fuss is about.

‘Twas the night before swearing-in And all through City Hall, Every worker was waiting For the big ax to fall.